Day 17: Blame it on the Amygdala

It is a basic human condition that our brain is constantly scanning the environment for threats. The amygdala, a tiny almond-shaped structure in the brain, scans once every quarter second for these menaces, rapidly comparing new stimuli to old experiences via the hippocampus to ensure safety. Add to this our evolutionary drive to protect and care for our babies, and well, new mamas, we are sort of doomed to constantly imagine the many ways our babies may get into serious trouble: She's falling asleep on her side! She's going to die of SIDs! That lady touched my baby's hand without washing her own. What if she has ebola??? She's sleeping so much. She must be sick!! She got too hot in the ergo and is now dying of heat stroke!!! I could go on and on, and I imagine you could add your own endless catalog of fears to this list. While thinking your baby is always in danger may help you keep her safe, it can also make you feel totally bonkers. This is because we have the unfortunate habit of always believing our thoughts to be TRUTH, when at times they are simply meaningless secretions that our brain spits out, combining inputs from google searches, mother-in-laws’ advice, and our own desperation to not kill our child. Freedom from these thoughts does not come in the form of not having them. That is impossible. Instead, it comes from noticing these thoughts and having compassion for them. This may sound a bit cheesy, but whenever I notice I'm starting to spiral, I say to myself, "Oh, you're afraid. I can see why. It's okay and I love you." Sometimes I can even muster an affectionate laugh at how far afield my mind has gone. When I stop taking my thoughts so seriously, this is where I find freedom. I don't try to make them stop. I don't try to figure out why I'm having these thoughts. I don't chastise myself for having them in the first place. I just respond to them gently, treating myself as I might my child when she's having big, seemingly irrational feelings. So next time you start your own thought spiral, see if you can give yourself a little mind hug, assure yourself that you're okay, and see what happens. Each time the irrational thoughts arise, respond in this way. Take note of what that feels like. That compassionate response is what can save us from our biology.