Day 33: It's not about you.

When I went to my first evening class of yoga since the birth, my husband stayed home with the baby. I returned to hear her shrieking. My husband, collapsed on the couch with her in his arms, looked totally defeated. I put my face directly over hers and called out, "Hi love!" She immediately opened her eyes and broke into the biggest smile. While this was a totally life-affirming glorious moment for me, it was a heartbreaking one for my husband, who had tried all the moves and just couldn't calm her. It is challenging to be a partner to the mother. You can't meet your child's most basic need of food, and sometimes comfort. Often, you don't get to spend as much time with them, which reinforces a primary and secondary caregiver role. How awful to do everything in your power to console your child and have nothing work. So to our amazing supportive partners who may not have the more biologically-based connection that we do with our child during these first critical months, a reminder: It's not about you. This sounds harsh, but hear me out. It's not about any defect of yours. You haven't done anything wrong. You are an amazing co-parent and this child does and will continue to love you deeply. It is simply about her biological needs being met, and her cries are cries for that fundamental comfort that you are simply unable to provide because… anatomy.

Let your partners know that they are loved. Thank them for their support. And know, those tears are not about them.