Day 43: Stay Grounded

We were at the end of a perhaps overly ambitious eight hour journey from NYC to Portland, Maine, involving a subway, train, and bus. The baby actually did quite well, sleeping, eating, and watching the world go by. But on the final bus leg, which happened to fall at witching hour, she let the whole bus know, in no uncertain terms, that she was no longer a happy traveler. I could feel my whole body tense and my mind start to whir, imagining everyone shooting hate-filled laser beams in our direction as she screeched (not cried, mind you, but a high-pitched red-faced banshee screeching). I am no long as affected at home with this happens, but was triggered by onlookers in an enclosed space at the end of a long journey.

We tried all the things...feeding, ergo, bouncing, singing, but eventually I just had to hold her close and tell her I loved her, even as she pierced my eardrum.

For myself, I needed to ground. I needed to feel stable and steady. So I brought my attention to all that was holding me down. My feet on the bus floor, my seat on the cushion, my back pressed against the backrest. I connected with the warmth and weightiness of her squirmy body. I felt these things and felt their steadiness, even on a moving bus.

And after what felt like an eternity, but was probably less than 10 minutes, she settled. But she needed me to be grounded to steady her. And that wasn't coming naturally, folks, in this scenario.

I needed to intentionally bring my awareness to my steady center. From this point, I could weather the storms of my daughter's emotions. Even more important, I could weather the storm of my own emotions and spinning thoughts.