Day 65: Sick Baby

It started with some extra snuffling and an unusually lengthy morning nap. By the evening, my baby was having trouble taking a breath through the snot and was running a fever over 100.

It was happening. Our first cold.

There is a time in every parent’s life when they must face this experience. When their infant’s vulnerability become too apparent. When they find themselves literally sucking the snot out of their baby’s nose, sitting in steamy bathrooms well past midnight, and praying that this is something their little one's immune system can handle.

In retrospect, we made out easily with our first sickness. It lasted only a few days, she was actually much less fussy than usual because she was so tired, and the fever never climbed to dangerous levels. But in the midst of it, there was one pervasive emotionally-charged thought: What if I lost her?

Sometimes I find, when worrying, that there seems to be the underlying belief that as long as I keep worrying about it, it won’t happen. That my very worry will keep my baby safe, and if I stop even for a second, that could be her undoing.

It is in these times that it takes Herculean effort to keep my attention focused on what is in front of me. It is a continual process of noting, letting go, and coming back. What is true and real is that my adorably sad little baby, with her cheeks feverishly aglow, is snuggled safely against shoulder. My thoughts are nothing more than thoughts, granted laden with a strong emotion, but they can be acknowledged and released just like any other.

So even in these times when it seems impossible, especially in these times, challenge yourself to keep the mind firmly rooted in the now. Challenge yourself to let go of that worry, which will more likely send you into a panic attack then protect your baby. Stay present for your little one, and you all will make it out okay.